July is coming to an end which means there is only one month separating me from September. I hate to add to the resounding broken-mom-record, but boy is it true…time just flies by. It seriously feels like a week ago that we bought Ben a back-pack in preparation for Kindergarten and now that first, very special year, is over. Deep breaths.
In just sixish weeks my daughter will be joining him on this new journey of school and it will be her turn to experience all the newness of school-life. And I can only imagine, this time next year I will be back on this computer typing out another blog post about how quickly it all started and ended.
The anticipation of September has been weighing on my mind for months now. I will have both my babies in school. And I will have no more babies at home. I very much wish I had more kids at home, but the good Lord has a different plan, at least for now. That much is clear. But for the last 6 years, my life has consisted of nothing else but taking care of my small kids. They were never in daycare or pre-school, they have always been with me.
I’m going to miss those sweet faces and all the time we had together. It has truly been a huge blessing to be able to stay home with them.
But now I ask myself the question, now what?
And that question has wrung loud in my ears for weeks. I hear it from friends and family who still have kids at home…”what are you going to do all day?” and I’ve had to answer “I don’t know”. I feel exactly the way their faces look…slightly disgusted, like…what am I gonna do with myself?
Yesterday I had tea with a delightful woman from my church and she warned me of the perception out there people have of stay-at-home moms of kids in school. She has been one and now that her kids are young adults, she had much wisdom to share with me about how not to live in the expectations of others. She related with the question that has been ringing in my ears for months now…
Who am I, if I’m not a mom with littles at home with me?
But this is that precious moment before everything changes.
Sure I have a few weeks until the change officially takes place, but as I was just saying, we all know how quickly time can sprint past us. And I do believe the Lord has been preparing me. I sense fears being over-powered by optimism. I am beginning to anticipate that this new season (however long it lasts) will be precious and important. And here’s why.
In the last 4 years in particular our family has experienced a few things that have taken some…adjusting to. We have been on a path of discovery in terms of our kids development and the challenges that come with that. And we have left one church for another, and then from that church to another.
We are still adjusting to all this.
But this amazing free-time I will be given gives me the blessing of volunteering in my kids classes weekly. I will be able to be apart of their education in a way I’ve always wanted to be. With their unique challenges this gives me huge relief! Also I will be volunteering for my church in probably many different facets. Which also makes me so excited!
And just like that, my free time is no longer free.
Really, it was never free to begin with. My time is the Lords and it is my personal duty to fill it with things that will honor Him. Whatever I do, I cannot forget that very real and serious truth.
If the Lord see’s fit that I find a job and become a working mom (which seems to be what everyone thinks is the most acceptable thing to do), that will be fine by me. But I refuse to do any work that encroaches on being there for my family and our desire to live simply. And certainly if Jesus provides more children to raise, I will accept it gratefully.
And for however long God allows me to be a stay-at-home mom with children in school, I will not squander my time. I feel a vigor and excitement for this gift I’m being given.
It’s all about to change. And I am slowly finding my place in all of it. It is strange and new and scary.
But bring it on.