For the sake of full transparency (well maybe not full transparency, this is cyber-world, and I don’t need you knowing every deep and dark thing about my personal life) I thought I would share something that has been a burden on my heart for some time now. My son is approaching his third year of life and his father and I are beginning to have some real concerns with his development. He doesn’t speak well, at least not in the “normal” sense. There could be many reasons for this. And I have talked to loads of people to glean some wisdom on the subject.
And after much discussion, we have come to realize that we need to seek help. Because what was once a unique and funny quirk, has now become fear of disability.
But why do I say fear, as though a disability of any form would be something to mourn.
Everything is up in the air. We have no answers at this point. Everything I discuss at this stage is based on speculation. But that’s okay. Because right now, Chris and I are preparing ourselves for all sorts of results. We love our son regardless of what our doctor tells us. And we will support and help him through the steep mountain or the ant hill that he might have to face.
In this place of persistent wondering, preparing, researching and praying, God has put me through a series of tests. Will I be an envious mother; constantly comparing my son to other kids and then resenting him for his short-comings? Is my devotion for my child based on his abilities and gifts? Could I only be proud of him if he was “normal” in his development? Am I embarrassed of him, because of his struggles? Can I rise above this?
My heart is pierced every time I face these questions from God. Every time I feel myself failing. My heart wail’s with frustration as I walk this lonely path of uncertainty.
But God still speaks.
He spoke to Chris and I a couple of nights ago while we were doing devotions together. The Lord gave me a scripture to read. I wanted a Psalm, but instead He gave me Exodus 4:11. His words to Moses in the middle of Moses’s doubt over his ability to do what God asked Him, was the exact words we were longing for in our moment of need.
“Then the LORD said to him, “Who has made man’s mouth? Who makes him mute, or deaf, or seeing, or blind? Is it not I, the LORD?”
Tears began to fall as we marvelled at His answer for us.
God knows my beautiful little boy. He made him, inside and out. He designed his bone structure, hair color and foot size. My son is loved by a great creator. And this loving creator decided every one of his talents and disabilities. God made His mouth. Just like he made mine and yours.
You see we are all disabled in some way. Some of us can’t see very well and need glasses, some of us have bad hearing, some of us have a short attention span. But all of us are sinner’s in great need of amazing grace.
All of us are subject to a sovereign God. But He isn’t just sovereign, He is our Father, who comes down to our level of understanding. Who speaks to us so that we may hear His voice. Who offers us the mercy we so desperately need, and then carries us through the valley.
So I am going to leave the future of my son’s speech to the One who designed his tongue.
Because God made his mouth exactly the way it should be.
Picture Credit: The picture at the top of the screen was shot by Anita Chapman at Perfect Moments Photography.