Is disappointment sin?
I have been asking myself this question for the last few days and have even repented of my disappointment just in case. I’ve been searching scriptures and as far as I have read, there is nothing that out-right condemns being disappointed (if I am missing something, please let me know – my searching is not infallible). So why do I feel guilty about it?
I have a theory.
Disappointment can reveal deeper rooted sin. Discouragement is not wrong or bad, but it has a way of opening a window to reveal something else under the surface.
This is really fresh for me, because I am at this very moment experiencing the disappointments of life. Please do not worry about me, no one is dying or ill, it is just run-of-the-mill life struggles – and I am not seeking out pity or attention. I am simply dissecting this tornado inside of myself in the hopes that it can shed some light.
I am willing to admit that the storm is being formed not from my circumstances (although the circumstances have pulled them to the surface), but from the sin that has been lying dormant for sometime.
Here is my issue.
I feel like who I am should be better than who I really am by now. Does that make sense? I have been a Christian for a while now, and I feel like I shouldn’t struggle with covetousness, envy and entitlement anymore. That is a child’s game. And I’m too old for it.
But here I am, an ugly green monster, seething with this terrible sin like an immature baby.
I want something. I want it bad. And I am jealous of the people around me who have something similar to it, and I wont be happy until I get it.
My disappointment sprang up because I thought I was going to get something (material), only to have it removed from my sites. Which sadly shows me just where my joy comes from. The fruit of this ugly tree is rotten with satisfaction in all the wrong things.
It has been a lot harder than I thought trying to root out this sin. And I don’t think it is something I am done doing.
Although I know my journey on this earth will be far from sinless, I desire to embody somebody whose thankfulness in all circumstances shape every mountain top and valley no, matter what the size. And it is humbling…or should I say humiliating to realize just how far I still have to go.
But I will go none the less.
“God is most glorified in us, when we are most satisfied in Him”. ~ John Piper