Okay so the last couple of months have probably been the hardest in my career as mommy. Getting a hang of having both kids in a very discipline heavy stage has been wearing on me. And to be honest I was starting to despair a bit. I was feeling the weight of my task in such measure that I was loosing sight of the goal. It was a lot like driving. I was looking at the road that was right in front of me and veering off track constantly, instead of looking straight ahead into the distance and remaining on a straight path.
After it all came to a head during a particularly difficult evening which included guests, over the weekend, I had a meltdown (after the guests had left…otherwise that would have been awkward).
With lots of prayer I was able to pick myself back up. And I realized something. I have been digging myself into a hole. I have read a lot of books on parenting. All sorts. I read lots of blogs and articles about parenting. I talk to friends and family about parenting. And I was drowning in opinions and trying to incorporate all of them. I would compare myself to what this person was doing and what that person was doing. It was making me crazy and stealing my joy.
Instead of looking at my own son and daughter as their parent and deciding to do what I felt was best for them, I was trying to please the world by doing what they think is best for my kid’s.
That was not working.
So after this realization and talking with Chris, I decided there was one book (other than the Bible), a book that I trust, a book that I agree with (mostly), that I would stick to. Not because I think they are the only ones who have got it right, but because I believe it is what is best for my kids specifically. I don’t believe there is a one-size-fits-all style of parenting so I imagine our style will change and grow. And I am still open to opinion, but I am not going to let it persuade me like it used to.
I love my children so much that it can actually hurt. Like literally.
I have been reminded of my responsibility to them. I am so prone to failure that I need God’s grace everyday. And I will never stop coming to Him and start relying only on my own abilities. But I have a renewed resolve.
I picked up this chalk board and put it in my kitchen. It is a constant reminder of what some of my goals are for my kids.
The verse will change at some point I am sure, and maybe even different rules will be put up to remind us all. But I pray that one day I will look back at this time and sense the Holy Spirit’s leading, even when I thought I was going crazy.
These guys deserve my undivided, clear attention and direction. And I feel so blessed that God entrusted them to me!
They are worth the fight!