The test for today is being content in the unknown of tomorrow. Right?
At least for me it is.
I am part of a mentoring womans group and this topic came up in our discussion together. All of us ladies have plans for the future. Plans that are important to us. But we all know we can’t grow too attached to our plans. Because we know that God is the unraveller of our future. His plans might look a lot like ours, or they could look nothing like ours, but either way He wins the battle.
I learned this in a large way when my husband and I were thinking about starting our family. I will never forget the conversation. We climbed into bed after a long day, and my husband turned to me to say he was ready to have kids. I was kind of caught off guard and in my tired state said “I’m not so sure I’m ready”. These words would come to haunt me years later. We started trying to have children about 6 months after this conversation, because I felt like I needed more time.
But our plan was not God’s. Years flew by, and our desire for children began to burn in our hearts, just as much as those words I spoke lying in bed began to ring in my ears like a fire alarm. “Why did I want to wait?!!” If I had known the agony of infertility, I would have never held off on beginning the process.
But God was gracious to us and opened my womb, just before our mourning had turned into deep, dark despair.
I gave birth to my healthy baby boy, and just like that our confusing future was in the past! We now where living in the future we were unsure we would ever have. We basked in the joy of parenthood in all of its early joys.
And when Ben was only four months old, I knew something didn’t feel right. I laid in bed while Ben napped and when Chris came in to greet me, I told him “I think I’m pregnant!” He stared at me blankly. Ummm….that can’t be. The pregnancy test would prove me right and 8 1/2 months later I would give birth to my healthy beautiful daughter.
This was a future we never imagined. Two kids, 13 months apart? I did NOT feel capable of this responsibility. And I would be lying if I said I wasn’t panicky for most of my second pregnancy.
We don’t know what tomorrow will bring.
We make our plans and hope God will bless them. But we all know they will most likely look different then His. And at least we know His are better.
I could never wish my daughter away. She is a light in my life. His plan was better than mine.
And today our family looks ahead at the future and there is so much that is hanging in the air. Change is gonna come, that we know for sure. The real question is, do we trust God enough to make that change? Today I am choosing to trust in His sovereign Will. I am choosing to look back at all the ways He has guided us through the valleys of life.
I am choosing to take His hand and ask Him to lead us.
Into the unknown we go…