A-Shudder And Aglow…

What is that which gleams through me and smites my heart without wounding it? I am both a-shudder and aglow. A-shudder, in so far as I am unlike it, aglow in so far as I am like it.

St. Augustine

Last week my husband wanted to give me a gift, because he could clearly see that I needed a pick-me-up. And because he is an awesome husband, he asked me “what can I do for you today to give you a break? Anything at all!” As the words were leaving his mouth, it hit me. I knew exactly what I wanted. Time! I wanted to wander by myself for a bit. So I did just that. Chris watched the kids while I freely strolled around the city, going here and there. I ended up at a coffee shop where I read for about an hour. It was perfect. Exactly what I needed. It is amazing how something so simple can be such a wonderful gift.

I am reading a book by R.C Sproul called The Holiness Of God. And it, just like my present of free-time from my husband, is exactly what I have needed. It is breath in my lungs. Igniting a flame inside me that has felt somewhat stifled in the last while. I love reading how Sproul exposit’s the glorious and yet terrifying words of Isaiah chapter 6. It is one of the most intensely rich scripture, showing us the awesome holiness of God. A God in which should have nothing to do with a soul as wretched as mine.

Isaiah saw God high and lifted up on His thrown and he was undone. All he could say as the very foundation of the temple was being shook by the voice of the Lord was “Woe is me! For I am lost; for I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips; for my eyes have seen the King, the LORD of hosts!” The very presence of this holy God revealed every sin in Isaiah. God should have struck him down with lightning.

But He didn’t.

God sent a seraphim to touch a piece of burning coal to Isaiah’s unclean lips to purify him, take his guilt away and atone for his sin.

Isaiah was shattered into as many pieces as any fallen egg. But God put him back together again. God was able to take a shattered man and send him into the ministry. He took a sinful man and made him a prophet. He took a man with a dirty mouth and made him God’s spokesman.” R.C Sproul

God’s plan for us always includes His mercy. But we must bow and call Him Holy first.

I am A-shudder and aglow over all this, just like St. Augustine. A-shudder because I could not possibly be any more different than my Holy God. Aglow because He counts me as one of His own.

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About hisgracemygrowth

I am a wife and full-time mom of a boy and girl who are 13 months a part. I am a Christ-following woman who is striving to honor God in all my endeavours! I stumble often....but His Grace is sufficient!
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