Our Christmas came around with not-so ideal circumstances. It was filled with snotty and stuffed noses, sore throats, barf, tantrums, many tears, no sleep and extreme fatigue. All of us except for Lucy experienced this.
Christmas was not what I wanted it to be. I spent a month and half preparing for a day that….just….never came. It flew by without us really knowing it. Just like that. And as I was trying to stay strong for the family and take care of business I found myself wrestling with God once again over His goodness.
I would be talking to Him in between tears, begging Him to make my family better. Only to feel like this was just yet another test from God, and depending on how I responded to it, I would either pass or fail. But I knew I was failing. I was looking at God like a villainous character, inflicting us with sickness at Christmas time in order to make us sweat under the pressure and get angry at Him.
Instead of just resting in His goodness and allowing Him to act according to His own will, I panicked. And then on Monday I read this timely devotion from the book How Great Is Our God. Here is some of it,
“In times of prolonged adversity, we can begin to entertain thoughts that essentially assert that we’re more concerned about goodness than God is…If God is perfect in His love and abundant in His goodness, how do we take a stand against our own doubts and the temptations of Satan to question the goodness of God? What truths about God do we need to store up in our hearts to use as weapons against temptations to doubt His love?…God showed His love by meeting our greatest need – a need so great that no other can come close to it in comparison. If we want proof of Gods love for us, then we must look first at the Cross where God offered up His Son as a sacrifice for our sins. Calvary is the one objective, absolute, irrefutable proof of God’s love for us.” Jerry Bridges, in Trusting God
I read this and I cried. And then I felt like an idiot. I’m so fickle! But I was relieved to know that God’s goodness doesn’t rest in how He answers my prayers. It rests in His ultimate sacrifice for my ultimate good and salvation. This doesn’t make our current struggle uncared for by God, He is with us through it all. But I can rest knowing his love is most showed to us in His care for our eternal good.
Hmmm…yup, I needed that!