The Mom Race…

Anyone feel like being a mom is kinda like running a race? Except, it’s a race that lasts about 20 or so years. I knew I would be tired…and certainly that is where the running comes in. But I wasn’t prepared for the competition. Which I suppose the race represents. Who knew that as a mom I would have to compete with other moms to gain the title “best mom.” Maybe that is why I always feel guilty…cause I never quite feel like I have achieved this mystery award at the end of the day. I sure never feel like I’ve earned it.

Have you ever been in a conversation with another mom where everything you say about your life or your kids, they have to one up you? I can’t tell you how many times I have had to endure this motherly boasting. And I’m sad to say that I know I have probably played my part in those conversations.

Why do we feel the need to do it? Its obnoxious and irritating. I don’t ever want to do it again.

The problem is, I know that even though I may not jump into that role anymore, I will still have to hear a lot of other “super moms” play theres. And then what?

Just to put it out there…even though I might write a lot about motherhood and what it ought to be. This does not mean I believe I am in any way superior in the mommy department. This post is being written out of the very mom-guilt I was talking about earlier. I often feel like a failure or just that I have no idea what I’m doing. Especially when I feel like I have disciplined Ben a hundred times over the same thing…and he just keeps doing it!

But to be honest I have been plagued with two things the last while. Number one is Ben is turning two this month and then Lucy is turning one a couple of months after that. And I know I will not be able to give them the beautiful birthdays they deserve. I know this sounds frivalous….and it is. But I hate that I can only spend $10 at a dollar store to decorate and prepare for their birthdays. I hate that daddy and mommy’s gift to them will probably be something rather small and cheap.

I know, I know….they wont even know any different, but as a mom I feel the pressure to be the best. Well, for our kids…it will be buck-or-two birthdays.

Number two is, my son is turning two soon (as I already said) and he is not yet potty trained. For some this is perfectly normal and nothing to worry about, but for most people in my life this is a terrible motherly failure. Did you know that kids can be fully potty trained by 18 months? Or so many people in my sphere of influence say. Well my son is not one of those kids. I have tried and then stopped trying the potty training game a few times. Because I know my boy well and he is just not ready. But him not being ready makes me look lazy.

So, what do I do? I know I can’t parent based on how some may or may not perceive me. I know that it doesn’t completely matter how my children behave now, but that it mostly matters how they behave after years of love and discipline as an adult.

I know that.

But still I battle. I battle myself. I battle the expectations of others. And what I know to be true.

Excuse my ramblings…they probably make no sense. And maybe I’m the only one who struggles with these things.

But I would love to see us mothers just support each other, not judge each other over things that don’t even matter in the long run. I would love to see us be honest with each other and not battle each other for a title probably none of us deserve.  That way when our running turns into an agonizingly slow jog, we can have each other to cheer us onward. There is nothing more life-giving then the encouragement of your peers.

So, can we do that?

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About hisgracemygrowth

I am a wife and full-time mom of a boy and girl who are 13 months a part. I am a Christ-following woman who is striving to honor God in all my endeavours! I stumble often....but His Grace is sufficient!
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6 Responses to The Mom Race…

  1. Amy Bergen says:

    You hit the nail on the head! I have had these same thoughts! Linden is two and a half and we are still in training mode! He is Also in the “do everything the opposite of what mommy says” mode…..exhausting….doesn’t help when Spencer still wakes frequently to nurse (yes I know….nursing to sleep…tisk tisk). Thanks for your honesty! 🙂

  2. PB says:

    You’re doing an excellent job Jess. We are very proud of you! Also, there is nothing wrong with Buck or Two birthdays. It is a lean time now financially so that you can provide for them later. Ben and Lucy are blessed to have two parents who actually love their children and want to be around them.

  3. Tami says:

    Good on you Jessica! Thanks for including me:) I hear you loud and clear. I fit in perfectly with the failures and quite frankly those who don’t think they are failing are living in denial! We are all so in need of God’s grace and leading. Time in His presence is my only victory. Out of time in His presence, I actually manage something useful. But oh that time is rarely there right! Praise God for He knows this season. Bless you as you keep your focus on your maker and may we all only compare ourselves with the One that matters. Oh and potty training…. my kids weren’t potty trained till almost 3. At that point they were very ready and pretty much did it themselves. It wasn’t stressful so don’t sweat it. I think you know your kid and yourself and it’ll get done when it needs to. Bless you sister!!!

  4. Princess Courtney says:

    Why do we do this to ourselves? To each other? I think its wonderul that you have voiced your frustrations with mommy competitions, now that its out of hiding, we can work towards eliminating it. If not globally, ( i know, I tend to think big ) but at least within our own circles. It benefits no one and hurts everyone. I think sometimes we fall into this without a spirit of competition but we get so immersed in mommy-dom we have little else to discuss or feel that we must discuss our children or be thought less caring of a parent.

    You are an amazing mom. Your kids are growing up steeped in prayer, learning the ways of the Lord with loving discipline and guidance. There is nothing you can give them that would be of any comparable value. You and Chris are investing in ministry, a calling higher then any other God could have given you. It will be difficult for all of you but the rewards will be eternal and the earthly sacrafices will be forgotten. I would take a life of dollar store gifts with a knowledge of the living God then all the fancy parties and elaborate presents in the world. You are doing right by them, even when they kick and scream, fight potty training, flush your keys or refuse to eat anything but goldfish crackers.

    LOVE YOU!

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